‘Past’ Issues

Lately I have been thinking about my past and pondering the greater question, ‘how did I get here?’  It’s not that I am not grateful to the Lord for all that He has done in my life and the long journey of faith that I have traversed to get here; because I am grateful and thankful for all that He has done.  It’s just that I have been struggling with ‘past’ issues as of late and I am trying to better understand what all of this means.

As a child of the 60’s and early 70’s, I have come to appreciate the time that I grew up; and better yet, the place, Southern California.  It was a different place in the 70’s and 80’s; let me assure you.  Truth be told, I had a good ride and although knowing what I know now, if I could ride this train over, I would definitely make some considerable changes, for the better of course.

What I wouldn’t change is my walk and faith with Jesus. That has been the one sure thing in my life, in spite of myself and my many shenanigans.  Realizing that there are fewer days ahead than are behind, I have been pondering my life and coming to grips with the many lessons that I have learned over the years; and the many mistakes that I wish I could take back and learned without making them.  I blessed a lot of people in my days, I also hurt a few and sadly regret that.  I have learned to love selflessly and compassionately and have matured in my social disciplines more in the past 35 years than in the 15 years prior.  Can we all say that?

In the late 70’s there was a contemporary Christian band called Sweet Comfort Band.  They got their name from Paul’s challenge to the church in Thessalonica when he said,

“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷ Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. ¹⁸ Therefore comfort one another with these words.”                 – 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18  

• Paul was referring to the Rapture of the Church in this passage (great, I knew the Rapture was going to come up in this blog) and the comfort associated with it that we, as believers in Jesus, are to be rendering to one another.

The word ‘comfort’ (Greek: parakaleo) is used as a verb here and its meaning renders ‘a calling to one’s side to comfort, to exhort, to provide consolation.’  This is what the Holy Spirit does for us, which is why Jesus called Him the Comforter. ^{(John 14:15-18)}

This band, informally called SCB, had a lot of great songs and hosted many anointed contemporary concerts in their day. I was a bit young in their heyday, but I caught the tail end of their ride before they broke up. Bryan Duncan went solo and produced many great LPs.  Randy Thomas formed the band Allies, whose lead singer, Bob Carlisle, also did a good job.  Both bands had a profound impact on my life and ministry call. I still listen to them today; especially now that we’re imminently near the Lord’s return for His Church and Van Halen just isn’t cutting it for me anymore.

One of the songs that SCB did was called ‘Childish Things,’ it’s an expose’ of the word of the Apostle Paul when he said,

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”        – 1 Corinthians 13:11

• Paul was referring to his own bar mitzvah and the change that was required of a young Jewish child as they transitioned from childhood into adulthood; and all that it entailed.  This occurred on their 13^th birthday, which is where we get the ‘age of accountability’ number; but that’s a whole different blog.

The lyrics of the song are as follows:

“When I was a child I understood just like a child, but now that I am able I’m gonna lay it on the table
When I was just a little child I spoke just like a child, but now I’m getting older, I’m gonna lay down, lay down
Childish things.

Chorus:

Let me lay it down, keep on gettin’ stronger.  Let me lay it down, I don’t need them any longer
Childish things.

When I was a child I thought just like a child, now I’m thinking clearer I don’t need them any longer
When I was a child I walked just like a child, now I’m walking better I’m gonna lay down, lay down
Childish things.”

Pondering the past is as childish as it is, futile. Our past memories, both good and bad, are just that, memories of the past.  We can learn from them, grow from them, and appreciate them from a place of safety and comfort, our present; which is our past’s future.  I have such a vivid memory of my experiences, the emotions associated with them, and the longing, at times, to get a second chance to relive many of those exchanges with the knowledge and experience I have since gained.  Is this not true for all of us?  Especially those of us who are now eligible for an AARP membership.

I have learned that I am a man with a high capacity to love and to be faithful to the death when it comes to commitments that I make. This was not always the case, but alas, life and grace has brought me to this place of redemption.  I was raised in a Christian home, it was loving, dysfunctional, and a breeding ground for mistakes and accomplishments that were forged in the halls of adversity.  I think that things would have been different for us all if my mom had not been so difficult to live with.  She had a rough life and way too many unresolved issues to be raising a family of seven kids with a husband who left her (us) at the peak of her crisis.

Don’t get me wrong, she was a godly woman, she was just lost, embittered, and living a life of regret and self-centeredness which influenced her children to grow up with sense of being orphaned and in great need for discipleship.  We had to grow up fast and put away childish things. We all moved out when we turned 18, leaving her with an empty house full of the many ghosts of Christmases past.  Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t abandon her, we just couldn’t live with her.  We honored her from a distance; which is what you have to do when being raised by a conflicted person.  I think this is why I am such an advocate for men’s discipleship and why I have dedicated this blog to encouraging men of God who are growing in their faith, in spite of their ‘past’ issues. 

Our mom lived to be 98, but she left us long before she left us.  We honored her, but from a distance; she died as she lived, alone and isolated from anyone who didn’t align themselves with her world, which was everyone.  Narcissists tend to push others away when they don’t conform to their worldview or wishes.  Her final years were in a quality memory care facility.  My sisters, their children, and my family celebrated her homegoing two years ago with a small, family memorial service while her ashes were stored in a cardboard box in one of my sister’s closets at home in the state where she died.  I do believe she is in heaven now by God’s grace and her faith in Jesus.  She is now perfect, complete, and totally healed from all of her trauma.  My dad died six years before her and I believe that he too is in heaven.  I am sure they are having the time of their life together, in a perfect place, a place and state of perfection and completeness, because they are with the Lord.

There is nothing worse than a life not lived well.  God has graced us all with a precious gift, life.  He intended for us to live it to the fullest, all the while knowing that one day we would be with Him if we received His precious gift of eternal life through Christ. I felt the call of God on my life at an early age and pursued it with a fervency.  While I had to deal with a lot of baggage from my upbringing, God was faithful, God is faithful, and I learned and grew through the process, just like my sisters had to do. Today, by God’s grace and our faith in the Christ, we are all serving Jesus.

My wife Debi and I raised three great kids who have since married and are now raising their children, all in the ways of the Lord.  Thank you Jesus.  We moved to Missouri three years ago to be close to them as they chose to live close to each other.  My life changed bigtime with this move and while I don’t regret it, I do feel that this was the right move for us. However, I have been struggling with ‘past’ issues lately and I am pondering why.

Paul the Apostle reminds us that we are to keep our focus on the things above.

“If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. ² Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. ³ For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”  – Colossians 3:1-3

He also reminds us to keep our focus forward.

“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended (laid hold of it); but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. ¹⁵ Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you.”          – Philippians 3:13-15

• The word ‘mature’ ^(NKJV) is translated ‘perfect’ ^(KJV) (Greek: teleioteros) and is used as an adjective¹ in this passage, meaning ‘having reached its end,’ (telos) ‘finished, complete, perfect, fully grown, mature.’

The word teleios is used of a person’s physical or spiritual development, as well their ethics and morals.

NOTE: ^1. An adjective is a word (phrase) naming an attribute related to a noun to modify it; it describes a noun.

The point Paul is making in these passages has more to do with our ability to learn, grow, and mature in our personality, our nature, and in our spiritual life.  As we mature in Christ, we are being made into His image. This process takes a lifetime (sanctification) and it really hurts at times.  It’s in those seasons of pain and contemplation that we tend to look back and ponder a different road, a different life, a different choice.  This of course, is vanity and a complete waist of time; yet it’s the struggle so many of us deal with in life; especially when we are in a place of despair or sadness, even as we walk with Jesus.  Me thinks that I am here.

If I can encourage you my brother (sister), if you are in a similar place, I challenge you to take heed to the scriptures presented in this blog and the many more that are in the Bible.  Rely on the Lord and His Holy Spirit to keep you moving in a forward direction, making the necessary improvements, and pressing on toward the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

This year I am well on my way to self-improvement and a renewed outlook on my life and future.  While I am looking for the Lord’s return to happen imminently, I am also planning long term for all that He has for me to do in these last moments of the last days.  I am doing a lot of spiritual and physical disciplines that are coupled with an intentional mindset to be the best person that I can be in this next chapter; which I hope is the last chapter.  Don’t get me wrong, I am loving life and living it to the fullest; it’s just that the closer I get to Jesus, the more I want to be with Him; in glory! 

I close this blog with this final thought.  While the ghosts of my past may haunt me from time to time, at least I know that I am looking in right direction, upward and forward, and moving there just the same.  An interesting note, I recently installed a rearview camera monitor on my school bus so I can see directly behind me while I drive forward.  This helps to enhance my rearview, observe obstacles or kids that might be directly behind the bus, and to sight students who may have missed the bus and are running and waving at me to stop for them.  It saves lives, gives me a sense of confidence as I move forward, and it provides a layer of protection and overall safety for the bus as a whole; this sounds familiar. In all of this, the windshield on the bus is still much larger.

Maranatha!

Encouragemen is a blog written by Pastor Rob Lee, recently relocated to Northern Missouri.  He lives with his wife of 34-years, near their three adult children, their spouses, and children (their grandchildren).  Pastor Rob is an Ordained Assemblies of God minister, a former Lead Pastor (25 years), police chaplain, and community advocate.  He continues to serve, consult, and disciple men of God, including those who are in the ministry.